Santa is coming!

23Dec21

The Daily Item has obtained, through a Freedom of Information Act request, a partial copy of Santa’s Christmas list. As journalists, we believe in the public’s Constitutional right to know what our local officials and others will be receiving in their stockings and under their trees on Christmas morning.

The North Pole Information Agency has grudgingly complied with our request. (Like they had a choice.)

Through its press office, the North Pole released a statement calling the release “a regrettable breach of the trust that Santa Claus has worked hundreds of years to establish. After this, how can anyone speak freely while sitting on the lap of a bearded stranger in a red suit?”

That’s the price of transparency, Big Guy. Ho, ho, ho.

As our gift to our readers, the Daily Item has decided to publish the unedited list. Don’t blame us. We’re just the messengers.

• To Town Councilor Ed Dombroski: dodgeball dominion.

• To Town Councilor Jonathan Chines: Two quick comments and a question.

• To Town Councilor Ann Santos: an invitation to Middlesex County District Attorney Marian Ryan’s retirement party.

• To Town Council chair Julie Smith-Galvin: a lump of clean coal.

• To Town Administrator Steve Maio: a handyman.

• To Town Clerk Betsy Sheeran: monthly elections.

• To Wakefield Community Access Television: an Eduspeak-to-English closed captioning service for School Committee meetings.

• To the Zoning Board of Appeals: a PR firm.

• To the Environmental Sustainability Committee: rotting pumpkins and greasy pizza boxes.

• To the Wakefield Public Schools: a very merry “holiday” recess.

• To the Wakefield School Committee: another Amy, Ami or Aimee.

• To School Committee chair Suzy Veilleux: a jumbo box of tissues.

• To School Superintendent Doug Lyons and Wakefield High School Principal Amy McLeod: Less Discord in the schools.

• To the School Department’s favorite educational consultant, Dr. Mishy Lesser: much, much lesser.

• To the Wakefield Human Rights Commission: a Christmas of color.

• To the Youth Council: full diplomatic relations with the city of Cambridge.

• To the Melrose Red Raiders: better luck next year.

• To: Town Engineer Bill Renault: a lifetime commuter rail pass.

• To attorney Brian McGrail: a night off.

• To Jeff Kehoe: the gift of brevity.

• To the Board of Health: a masquerade.

• To employees of Albion Street businesses: earplugs.

• To Fred Rich LaRiccia:The Complete Inspirational Quotes of Donald J. Trump, vol.1.

If you didn’t make the list, better luck next year. And if you did make the list, better luck next year.

Merry Christmas and you’re welcome.

[This column originally appeared in the December 23, 2021 Wakefield Daily Item.]



2 Responses to “Santa is coming!”

  1. 1 True Warrior

    Love the gifts article every year. Based on you wittiness you must have gone to school in Greenwood growing up. Most smart Wakefieldites went thru Greenwood system making them true warriors.

  2. 2 Ed

    Mark, I was hoping you would comment on the irony of a boy being expelled from WHS for re-posting photos that THE GIRLS THEMSELVES had initally posted on the internet.

    That is what happened, right?


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