Happy birthday, America!
You only turn 250 once, America, so enjoy your day! Seriously, you look great for your age. You don’t look a day over 200. Despite the slings and arrows of your enemies, foreign and domestic, you’re aging gracefully.
Remember, age is just a number, and you’re only as old as you feel. Life begins at 250.
We hope you enjoy the party we’re throwing for you. Joining you at the head table will be guests of honor Uncle Sam, Lady Liberty and Captain America. Your beloved pet bald eagle will be perched nearby.
Of course, not everyone is happy for you. The usual suspects will do their best to ruin the occasion and dismiss your accomplishments. They’ll call you illegitimate and insist that your land was stolen from the indigenous peoples of the continent, ignoring the fact that every nation in the history of the planet came about as the result of conquest or colonization. But you alone are held accountable. Even on your birthday.
Despite the low regard that your enemies have for you, for some reason, millions of people from around the world are constantly trying to move in with you. When you ask them to simply wait for an invitation or use the front door, they call you racist and xenophobic.
But don’t let these miserable scolds put a damper on your celebration, America. You have accomplished many great things in two and a half centuries and have every reason to be proud.
You got rid of kings 250 years ago, but now you have to put up with embarrassing weekend copycats.
Your Constitution/Bill of Rights has served as a model for nations around the world.
You fought a bloody Civil War to end slavery. You came to Europe’s rescue in two world wars and then twice paid to rebuild that continent.
You put a man on the moon. You created the internet, which now underpins communication, commerce, and information worldwide.
You gave the world jazz. Your Hollywood movie studios created some of the world’s greatest cinematic masterpieces.
Because of your citizenry’s strong tradition of private philanthropy, you consistently lead the world in charitable giving. You generously provide the largest amount of foreign aid to the world year after year.
I could go on, but I don’t want to make you feel self-conscious on your special day.
Happy birthday, America. You’ve still got it, and the best is yet to come.
Here’s to another 250 years!
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[This column originally appeared in the July 2, 2026 Wakefield Daily Item.]
Filed under: Columns & Essays, History, Humor, News, Opinion, Politics, Wakefield | 6 Comments
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Mark Sardella 
What a strange column! It’s all knee-jerk self-righteousness with no room for reflection on what has gone right or wrong, not then or now. And, yes, Mark, this land was taken from its indigenous people. The fact that other nations have done the same does not excuse that fact. Two (or more) wrongs don’t make a right.
I wish I could say I’m surprised that you would find an upbeat, pro-American column “strange.” There are plenty of examples of “what has gone right.” That’s kind of the point of the column. Maybe you need to re-read.
I agree that this country has accomplished much. It has a long, complicated history that’s not easily summed up in a short column. But since Jan 2024 much of what made us great has been demolished and our stature in the world has declined. EPA, where I worked for almost 30 years, is one example of a great institution that is now a shadow of its former self. Regulations to reduce toxic coal-plant emissions have been cancelled. Pesticides once banned are now allowed. Research into PFAS has been stopped. In the military, women and black officers have been fired for no reason other than misogyny and racism. Need I go on?
Patriotism is not just a jingoistic display of national pride. Rather, it allows for constructive criticism. Yes, this a is a great country, but not only can we do better, we have done better!
I agree that every country has flaws. I thought that was a given, but maybe not. Am I not allowed to write about the good without also enumerating every flaw? How about for one day every 250 years we focus on the good stuff? Then for the next 50 years, you can concentrate on the negative to your heart’s content (except when your guy is in office, of course).
Although I, too, like to focus on the positive, I have plenty of criticisms of Biden (he shouldn’t have run for a second term!) and Democrats (too wimpy!). But the Democratic Party is by far more compassionate than what we have now. On the other hand, you never say anything negative about the Trump regime no matter how much they lie and violate the Constitution and defy court orders. Only time will tell if we still have a Republic or whether the second Guilded Age has stolen it from us.
It’s easy to be critical after the fact. I didn’t see a lot of negative posts about Biden from you when he was in office. But keep pretending that the republic is in danger from a man chosen by the majority of Americans voting in the 2024 Presidential Election. Pretend that everyone not of your party is the second coming of Hitler and people start to tune out very quickly.