You only turn 250 once, America, so enjoy your day! Seriously, you look great for your age. You don’t look a day over 200. Despite the slings and arrows of your enemies, foreign and domestic, you’re aging gracefully.

Remember, age is just a number, and you’re only as old as you feel. Life begins at 250.

We hope you enjoy the party we’re throwing for you. Joining you at the head table will be guests of honor Uncle Sam, Lady Liberty and Captain America. Your beloved pet bald eagle will be perched nearby.

Of course, not everyone is happy for you. The usual suspects will do their best to ruin the occasion and dismiss your accomplishments. They’ll call you illegitimate and insist that your land was stolen from the indigenous peoples of the continent, ignoring the fact that every nation in the history of the planet came about as the result of conquest or colonization. But you alone are held accountable. Even on your birthday.

Despite the low regard that your enemies have for you, for some reason, millions of people from around the world are constantly trying to move in with you. When you ask them to simply wait for an invitation or use the front door, they call you racist and xenophobic.

But don’t let these miserable scolds put a damper on your celebration, America. You have accomplished many great things in two and a half centuries and have every reason to be proud.

You got rid of kings 250 years ago, but now you have to put up with embarrassing weekend copycats.

Your Constitution/Bill of Rights has served as a model for nations around the world.

You fought a bloody Civil War to end slavery. You came to Europe’s rescue in two world wars and then twice paid to rebuild that continent.

You put a man on the moon. You created the internet, which now underpins communication, commerce, and information worldwide.

You gave the world jazz. Your Hollywood movie studios created some of the world’s greatest cinematic masterpieces.

Because of your citizenry’s strong tradition of private philanthropy, you consistently lead the world in charitable giving. You generously provide the largest amount of foreign aid to the world year after year.

I could go on, but I don’t want to make you feel self-conscious on your special day.

Happy birthday, America. You’ve still got it, and the best is yet to come.

Here’s to another 250 years!
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[This column originally appeared in the July 2, 2026 Wakefield Daily Item.]