The town and the city
Once upon a time, there was a perfect little town that had the perfect number of people living in the perfect number of homes. That perfect little town had perfect little downtown with the perfect number of perfect little shops, selling perfectly adorable items to the perfect number of customers.
Then, the town fathers let the big, bad, greedy developers come in. They built giant apartment and condominium buildings everywhere and turned the perfect little town into a big, ugly, city.
The End.
I hope you enjoyed today’s fairy tale. Like all fairy tales, it’s simple, easy to understand and has nothing to do with reality.
And like most fairy tales, it’s also timeless. I’ve been hearing one version or another of this fable for at least 50 years. Ask someone older that me (if you can find him) and they’ll tell you about horror stories 
going back even further, warning of the Big Bad Wolf of Malden at our door.
Continue reading ‘The town and the city’
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Tags: 600 North, apartments, Brightview Senior Living, building, commuter rail, condos, development, Dunkin' Donuts, factories, fairy tales, Families, housing, Lisa's Family Pizzeria, Malden MA, Mark Sardella, MBTA, population, smart growth, Town Meeting, Wakefield Daily Item, Wakefield Landing, Wakefield MA, Wakefield Station, zoning
Junkyard Junction
It’s time for our weekly vocabulary test. Today’s words are “clothing” and “shoes.”
Let’s start by using both words on in a sentence.
“A recliner is not clothing, and mattresses are not shoes.”
Congratulations! You’re smarter than a fourth-grader! You’ve also been eliminated as suspect in the trash dumping at the green donation bins in the MG Fitness lot at North Avenue and Broadway.
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Tags: 9/11, charity, clothing, donations, furniture, Humor, JFK, Junction, junk, literacy. reading, Mark Sardella, MG Fitness, Opinion, police, Politics, recliner, shoes, sofa, Town of Wakefield, toys, video cameras, Wakefield Daily Item
‘Tis the season of giving…
It’s Christmastime and, if I may so boldly observe, it’s cold outside.
Meanwhile, Rudolph has contacted the Reindeer Rights Commission to report bullying and harassment. Climate change has claimed the life of Frosty the Snowman and gender fluid Santa Claus is coming to town.
Into this season of gloom, I bring a ray of light – for I am, if nothing else, a giver. Yes, I’ve made my list, checked it twice and determined who’s been naughty and who’s been nice. (Sorry – I’m a little judgmental, too. It goes with the job.)
No need to get me anything. Trust me, the joy is in the giving.
To the Wakefield Town Council and the Wakefield School Committee: a joint resolution opposing plague, pestilence and famine.
To the Wakefield Independence Day Committee: a theme for the 2019 parade.
To the new Public Safety Building Committee: powers of arrest.
To Congressman Seth Moulton: a collar and a leash.
To Town Moderator Bill Carroll: an opponent to vanquish.
To Town Council Chairman Peter May: a suit of armor.
To Wayne Tarr: an electric car, rooftop solar panels and a wind turbine.
To the Massachusetts School Building Authority: three ghostly visits.
To Walton School neighbors: a cat.
To Town Councilor Mehreen Butt: an invitation from Alexandria Ocasio-Ortez to be her 2020 running mate.
To Fred Rich LaRiccia: Bartlett’s Familiar Quotations.
To Town Councilor Julie Smith-Galvin: a fleet of solar-powered drones to patrol the town for recycling violators.
To Dan Lieber: the name of Bill Carroll’s joke writer.
To Bob McLaughlin: his own personal Shaw’s shopping cart.
To Bob Mitchell: an honorary law degree.
To Town Councilor Paul DiNocco: a white hat and cape.
To the Friends of Lake Quannapowitt: a memorial bench.
To Wakefield Memorial High School students: hidden Juuls.
To Wakefield’s homeless population: more comfortable ATMs.
To the Wakefield Fire Department: smart alarms that know when someone is just cooking or taking a shower.
To Wendy Dennis: a lifetime subscription to the Wakefield Daily Item.
And finally, to all the snowflakes out there, Happy Holidays.
To everyone else, Merry Christmas.
—
[This column originally appeared in the December 20, 2018 Wakefield Daily Item.]
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Tags: ATM, Bob McLaughlin, cat, Christmas, Climate Change, Daniel Lieber, electric car, famine, Fred Rich, Frosty the Snowman, gender fluid, holidays, homeless, Humor, Julie Smith-Galvin, Lake Quannapowitt, Mark Sardella, MSBA, Opinion, Paul DiNocco, pestilence, Peter May, plague, Politics, Public Safety Building, recycling, Robert Mitchell, Rudolph, Santa Claus, School Committee, Seth Moulton, Shaw's, solar panels, Town Council, Wakefield Daily Item, Wakefield Fire Department, Wakefield High School, Wakefield MA, Walton School, Wayne Tarr, Wendy Dennis, William Carroll, windmill
Cold comfort
‘Tis the season to be banning things. You’ve no doubt heard about efforts to ban the song Baby, It’s Cold Outside.
And that’s not even the most absurd example. It’s becoming harder to argue that the War on Christmas is a myth when stories like the following keep surfacing. In 2018, 69 years after it was written, we have suddenly 
discovered problems with a fictional Christmas story about animal characters that don’t really exist.
Apparently, there are objections to the story of Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer, who is “marginalized” and “bullied” by other reindeer because of the color of his nose.
Continue reading ‘Cold comfort’
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Tags: Altamont, Baby It's Cold Outside, ban, Benny Goodman, Christmas, Gillette Stadium, Gimme Shelter, Hells Angels, hippies, joke, love, Lynn Stuart Parramore, Mark Sardella, Mick Jagger, misogyny, peace, Rolling Stones, Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer, Trader Joe's, Under My Thumb, understanding, Wakefield Daily Item, War on Christmas
Early and often
The Nov. 6 election is over.
Or was it the Nov. 2 election? Or the Oct. 30 election?
It all depends on if you voted early and on which day. Because now, every day is Election Day!
Election Day used to be special day. Not so much when you have 12 days to vote. When everybody voted on the same day, you had to at least make a mental note to get to the polls.
Now that we have two weeks to do it, what’s the urgency? You’ll get to it one of those days. No need to write it down, mark it on your calendar or set a reminder on your phone. You’ll remember. You have two weeks!
Continue reading ‘Early and often’
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Tags: ballot, candidates, early voting, election, Election Day, Humor, Mark Sardella, mid-terms, November 6, Opinion, Politics, polls, signs, Town Clerk, vote, voting, Wakefield Daily Item, Wakefield MA
Weeding out NIMBYism
Well, well, well.
It seems that as the date approaches for the first recreational marijuana shops to open, more and more communities in Massachusetts are getting cold feet – including towns that voted overwhelmingly to legalize the bud.
That includes Brookline, where they voted 17,803-11,066 to legalize recreational marijuana statewide. But now, in a community so progressive that a Prius is considered a gas-guzzler, they’ve gone all Jeff Sessions over an application by “Ascend MA” to open a 6,200 square-foot pot shop at 1032 Beacon St.
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Tags: accidents, ageism, Brookline MA, bud, car crashes, Colorado, Concord MA, election, hemp, herb, Humor, insurance, Insurance Institute for Highway Safety, legalization, loitering, marijuana, Mark Sardella, Massachusetts, medicine, Nevada, NIMBY, Opinion, Oregon, plastic bags, Politics, pot, prohibition, schools, vote, Wakefield Daily Item, Wakefield MA, Washington, weed
Apathy grips Hub
When the New England Patriots are in the playoffs, people can’t wait to hang their Patriot flags and put out their Patriot signs, banners, pennants and even display their inflated Patriots lawn ornaments. Sometimes even before the regular season ends. You can’t drive half a mile in town without seeing Patriots everywhere.
So, what are the Red Sox, chopped liver?
The Red Sox are in the World Series. They won 108 games, a franchise record. They rolled the Yankees in the American League Division Series and dispatched the Houston Astros in the American League Championship Series without breaking a sweat. They’re up 2-0 in the World Series and appear to be on the cusp of their fourth World Championship this century.
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Tags: 1960s, America's Pastime, American Football League, baseball, basketball, Boston, Dick Stuart, Dodgers, Eddie Bressoud, Fenway Park, hockey, Humor, Impossible Dream, Jim Gosger, John Henry, Ken Coleman, Lenny Green, Mark Sardella, Mel Parnell, Ned Martin, New England Patiots, NFL, Opinion, Pleasure Island, Red Sox, Robert Kraft, Sixties, soccer, sports, team, Tom Brady, Wakefield Daily Item, Wakefield MA, World Series
Realistic danger
When Ralphie Parker received a Red Ryder Carbine Action 200-shot Range Model Air Rifle for Christmas, the adults’ biggest worry was, “You’ll shoot you eye out!”
But the mid-20th century America of A Christmas Story was a simpler time and in many ways, a better one. Today, everything is a lot more complicated, and not in a good way. That includes what was once every American boy’s dream of owning a BB gun.
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Tags: A Christmas Story, airsoft, America, Bart Simpson, BB gun, crime, criminals, firearms, guns, Mark Sardella, Opinion, pistol, police, Politics, Ralphie Parker, Red Ryder, rifle, shooting, Wakefield Daily Item, Wakefield MA, WPD
Lost at the Fair
I try to make it to the Topsfield Fair once every 20 years. So, I checked my internal calendar and it turns out this was the year!
Despite my infrequent visits, I like the idea of country fairs. They are authentic relics of traditional America. You can go there and get a taste of what the United States used to be like back when respect for God, hard work and the flag were considered normal.
The Topsfield Fair lays claim to the title of the oldest agricultural fair in the United States, dating back to 1818, making this the 200th anniversary.
So, this seemed like a perfect time to make my vicennial pilgrimage and, because I’m a giver, I am prepared to share what I’ve learned with those who may be planning to attend before the fair closes on Columbus Day.
Continue reading ‘Lost at the Fair’
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Tags: agricultural fairs, America, animals, Bible, Columbus Day, corn, country fair, cows, flag, food pizza, God, Humor, jokes, livestock, Mark Sardella, Massachusetts, Opinion, parking, pigs, poultry, pumpkin, rabbits, rain, sausage, sheep, Topsfield Fair, Topsfield MA, United States, Wakefield Daily Item
Let’s get serious
A funny thing happened the other day.
And that’s the problem.
The state that our world, our country, our commonwealth and even our town are in is no laughing matter. We have serious problems, and yet some people continue to go on their merry way without a care in the world.
That’s all well and good in less precarious times. But we can ill afford those luxuries now. It’s time to get serious.
To that end, a (very) small but growing nonpartisan group of enlightened local residents has decided to band together and fight this untoward epidemic of mirth.
Continue reading ‘Let’s get serious’
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Tags: Civitas, comedians, comedy, funny, Gravitas, hubris, Humor, laughter, Mark Sardella, Opinion, Politics, snark, virtue, Wakefield Daily Item, Wakefield MA
Mark Sardella 