Goodbye Green Monster



BOSTON – Fans of the World Champion Boston Red Sox will notice a big difference when they attend 2019 home games at the park that John Updike once called, “a lyric little bandbox.”

In preparation for the team’s home opener, crews have already begun dismantling Fenway Park‘s iconic “Green Monster,” the 37-foot high left-field wall that has stood 310 feet from home plate since the Park was built in 1912.

“Walls are immoral,” said Red Sox owner John Henry. It was Henry who last year spearheaded the name change of Yawkey Way after he determined that 20th century Red Sox owner Tom Yawkey was a racist.

“Furthermore, walls don’t work,” the Red Sox owner continued. “Tens of thousands of home runs have been hit in Fenway Park. The wall did nothing to stop them.”

It was unclear what, if anything would replace the left field wall, although Henry said that a number of possibilities exist, including drones, remote video surveillance, aerial monitoring and a network of ground sensors.

“Walls are medieval technology,” Henry added.

Reached for comment at his home in Ohio, Red Sox left fielder Andrew Benintendi said, “Wait – what?”

One Response to “Goodbye Green Monster”

  1. 1 Tony A.

    Things have gotten so crazy these days that I actually got several sentences in to this piece until I saw where it was going. You should have saved this for the new spring holiday, Loof Lirpa…

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