Just rewards


I’m a big believer in giving back. So, I would like to repay a debt that is long overdue.

Social Justice Warriors (SJWs) have been giving me advice for longer than I can remember (and that’s a long time, as they often kindly remind me). Whether it comes in the form of writing tips or sharing their vast expertise on the business of newspaper publishing, I have learned so much from the feedback of SJWs.

But like all good teachers, SJWs teach more by example than exegesis.

So, in an effort to give back in some small way, I have culled some of what I have learned from SJWs through their amazing words and deeds. The result constitutes what might be considered a primer for the aspiring SJW.

First, always remember that you are committed to a set of deeply-held core values, whereas anyone who doesn’t share your beliefs has “an agenda.”

Keep in mind that, as an SJW, you are a uniter. You simply want to bring people together. Those who don’t share your views, on the other hand, are “divisive.” Unity and harmony can only be achieved when they come around to your way of thinking.

SJWs are known for their generosity of spirit. Use this to your advantage. If someone accuses you of trying to silence opposing views, insist that you would never dream of censoring anyone else’s speech. You simply want to help them to “be better.”

Community is very important to SJWs, so try to do things to help other SJWs identify you as a kindred spirit. Wearing a safety pin or a pink hat may be seen by some as virtue signaling, but it’s really “solidarity signaling.”

A more subtle but no less effective way to identify yourself as an SJW is by the use of the word “folks.” Nothing signals to other “folks” that you are part of The Resistance like constant use of the word “folks.”

Always characterize your proposals as “progress.” Your opponents’ ideas, on the other hand, are to be dismissed as “outdated,” “antiquated” “ignorant” and most importantly, “hateful.”

An SJW should never have to listen to the ideas of some knuckle-dragging Neanderthal. But if forced to respond, emphatically declare, “That’s not who we are!” and walk away.

In the event that your thoughtful, eminently rational argument fails to persuade some person of low intelligence (usually a male), deftly change the subject to something he said last month, last year, or better yet, never said at all. There’s no reason that you have to stick to one subject. That’s a myth perpetrated by troglodytes who cling to rules and traditions.

When all else fails, pronounce that your opponent’s position is simply “unsustainable.” While he figures out what the hell that means, you have temporarily derailed his argument.

In short, opinions are for other people. You don’t have opinions.
You have The Truth. Who is anyone to question it?

Just remember that you are one of the good people – I mean “folks.” You live in the 21st century, not in the past. You want to move forward, not backward. You care about the future and about generations to come. You are a citizen of the world and have a global perspective. You stand for inclusion and fairness. You are such a good, kind, generous, caring person. If only everyone could be more like you, as the old Sam Cooke song goes, “What a wonderful world this would be.”

There’s so much more I could share, but the compost pile is calling out for attention.

So, go forth and Resist! After all, the patriarchy isn’t going to fight itself.

[This column originally appeared in the May 3, 2018 Wakefield Daily Item.]

Social Justice Warriors photo by Stephen Melkisethian.

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