Deep thoughts, 2017



I want to state up front that this column may have been hacked by the Russians. So if you find anything objectionable, you know who to blame. (Snarky lot, those Ruskies.)

The New Year is known for lists. New Year’s columns typically feature lists of “bests” and “worsts” of the previous year. Predictions for the future and resolutions for the coming year are a dime a dozen at this time of year.

But a newspaper’s role is to set the agenda for local issues, encourage local economic growth and foster a sense of identity within our local community. Or so I’m told. Sounds absolutely fascinating and I promise to get right on it. In the meantime, here’s a collection of random New Year’s observations.

Does anybody else think this year is really dragging?

I’ll never be able to find this new NBC Boston channel. I still turn on Channel 4 looking for Saturday Night Live. (Is SNL still on?)

My first question when I heard about Don Lemon’s drunken New Year’s Eve performance on CNN was, “Who the hell is Don Lemon?”

It’s been good to see all the new faces in the gym this week. It will be even better when they’re gone next week.

penny3If we get rid of the penny, what will all the penny pinchers do?

Where are they now: scary clowns.

If legalization isn’t going to make pot easier to get, why are potheads – excuse me – cannabis enthusiasts – hysterical about a six month-delay in retail sales?

I think I might watch the Presidential Inauguration this year. Does anybody know what channel it’s on?

I was born a Sagittarius, but I identify as a Taurus.

Where are they now: Pokemon Go.

Some people are actually posting questions on social media asking “What is being built between Main Street and Crescent Street.” Seriously, folks?

That was the last time you will read the word “folks” in one of my columns.

Today, a self-driving car pulled over and asked me for directions.

Over the weekend, a prankster in southern California changed the famous “Hollywood” sign to “Hollyweed.” And they say marijuana destroys ambition.

I just heard about ‘pho’ this week. So sar, I have no desire to try it. But I’ll keep you posted.

If you think higher education is expensive now, wait ‘til it’s free.

dollar_treeIf nothing else, the Dollar Tree store has provided a valuable community service with its $1 reading glasses.

Shouldn’t the self-timer on our cameras and phones be called a “selfie timer?” (That’s copyrighted, BTW.)

My smart phone’s text autocorrect does not have “autocorrect” in its dictionary. Maybe I need a smarter phone.

So I hope 2017 brings an end to this extraordinarily irritating fad of people starting every sentence with the word “so.”

And finally, С новым годом, everybody!

[This column originally appeared in the January 5, 2017 Wakefield Daily Item.]

3 Responses to “Deep thoughts, 2017”

  1. 1 Daveo

    Today, a self-driving car pulled over and asked me for directions….im stealing that one whther you like it or not. P.S. – I know who Don Lemon is – you haven’t missed a thing.

  2. My mother always told me I could be whatever astrological sign I wanted to be because it didn’t make any difference in the grand scheme of things.

    Happy New Year to you, too.

  3. 3 bevipoo

    So, I love your columns Mark. That’s all Folks. Lol

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